The Cinematical Ass-Kicking Chinese Movie Title Contest
Filed under: Action, Comedy, Drama, Romance, Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Site Announcements, Family Films, Tom Cruise, Johnny Depp, Contests, Comic/Superhero/Geek, Remakes and Sequels
Over at Film Threat, Shane Burridge has a rather entertaining piece up on the perplexing way that American movie titles are renamed in Chinese. Burridge breaks it down thusly: when renaming American films with Chinese names, translators tend to use one of these methods:
- The "come up with a name that reflects the DVD cover" method, by which Finding Nemo became The Big Fish Is Going to Eat the Little Fish;
- The "sounds kinda like this" method, by which Titanic morphed into Tai Tan Ne Ke;
- The "enhanced translation" path, which leads to, say, Mr. Bean becoming Stupid Mr. Bean;
- The "did the translator actually watch this film?" method, in which Deliverance somehow became Four Brave Men Passing Through Rapids and Dangerous Shoals;
- And, of course, the ever-reliable literal translation, such as The Little Mermaid becoming The Romance of Human and Mermaid.
Not only is Burridge's piece a funny read (the bit about the Ass-Kicking Ketchup almost made me snort peppermint tea out my nose -- in a very lady-like way, of course), it's inspired us here at Cinematical to give you yet another reason to win a snazzy, spiffy Cinematical t-shirt. Here's all you gotta do: Come up with the best Chinese translation of any of the following summer movie titles, using any one of the methods listed above to create your translation:
- Mission: Impossible: 3
- X-Men: The Last Stand
- Poseidon
- My Super Ex-Girlfriend
- Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Mens' Chest
Leave your best entries in the comments. If your brain juices are really flowing and you feel super-creative and inspired, you can enter more than one, but we'll only pick one winner. You have until 11:59PM EDT on Thursday, May 11 to submit your entry. Winner will be announced by Monday. Ready ... set ... GO!
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Reader Comments
(Page 1)2. Mission: Impossible: 3 ? The Man who loves Explosions
X-Men: The Last Stand ? Big Fist Complete with Knives
Poseidon ? The Ship that can Sail on both Sides
My Super Ex-Girlfriend ? Strong Woman is Mad
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man?s Chest ? Pirate Autopsy
Posted at 11:01AM on May 10th 2006 by Eric
3. Mission: Impossible: 3 - Spy Tom Cruise 3
X-Men: The Last Stand - Last Shiny Fight at Night Time
Poseidon - Escapers from Boat
My Super Ex-Girlfriend - Lover Don't Hurt Me!
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Mens' Chest - Lord of Rings vs. Squid Head
Posted at 11:51AM on May 10th 2006 by Bill
4. Mission: Impossible: 3 - "Someone Set Up Us The Bomb"
X-Men: The Last Stand - "All Your X Are Belong to Us"
Poseidon - "Space Battleship Yamato: No Space, No Battle, Too Much Water"
My Super Ex-Girlfriend - All Your Are Belong to Ex"
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man?s Chest - "The Enemy Is Not The Pirates: Deceased Carpenter"
Posted at 11:57AM on May 10th 2006 by afs
5. Mission Impossible 3: You Can't do it, you can't do it, you can't do it.
X-Men: The Last Stand: Former Men: Final Erection
Poseidon: A documentary on Western Engineering
My Super Ex-Girlfriend: The Naick Lachey-Jessica Simpson Movie
Pirates of The Carribean: Dead Mens Chest: Jamaican Sea Thief in a Coffin
Posted at 11:58AM on May 10th 2006 by David
6. X-Men: The Last Stand - "Americans Hate Diversity Too"
or "Malc-neto X vs. Professor Charles Luther King, Jr."
Posted at 12:27PM on May 10th 2006 by Elliott
7. *Winner Right Here*
Mission: Impossible: 3 = Jumping on couch,Jumping off building ("did the translator actually watch this film?")
X-Men: The Last Stand =Mutants in Spandex and the
Weathergirl("enhanced translation")
Poseidon = Po Sigh Done ("sounds kinda like this")
My Super Ex-Girlfriend = Wonderwoman gone blonde and with a vengence !!! ("enhanced translation" since it isnt out on dvd yet)
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Mens' Chest= Pirates Chasing Pirates("literal translation")
Posted at 1:59PM on May 10th 2006 by Lee
8. X-Men: The Last Stand: Claws On A Sequel
Poseidon: Do Not Follow Captain!
My Super Ex-Girlfriend: Girl Crush Man Parts
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man?s Chest:
Flat Chested Girl and Sexually Ambiguous Pirate Fight Tentacle Sex Pirate
M:i::III: The Man Who Love Colons
9. Mission Impossible 3 - Masked Explosion Spy 3
X-men: The Last Stand - Special Effects Spandex Squad: Final Costume
Poseidon - Boat Flip Crisis!
My Super Ex-Girlfriend - Strong Lady is No Love
Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest - Naughty Sailor Resurrection!!
Posted at 2:58PM on May 10th 2006 by Fatso forgetso
10. Poseidon - Snakes on a Boat
Posted at 3:12PM on May 10th 2006 by Elliott
11. Mission: Impossible: 3 -- Crazy Tom Cruise Has a Gun (enhanced translation)
X-Men: The Last Stand -- Sharp Claws Slash Metal Cross (movie poster -- in lieu of DVD cover)
Poseidon -- Revenge of the Sea King (did the translator actually watch?)
My Super Ex-Girlfriend -- My Stilettos Are More Powerful Than Your Pathetic Car (movie poster)
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest -- Johnny Depp Has a Hearrrrrt Transplant (did the translator actually watch?)
Posted at 3:35PM on May 10th 2006 by Betsy
13. Mission: Impossible: 3 : Decadent American Spy in China
X-Men: The Last Stand: Subversive Non-conformists Fighting
Poseidon : Escape from Upside-down Sinking Ship
My Super Ex-Girlfriend : Strong Woman Lacking Submission
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Mens' Chest : Woman on Boat with Two Men, One With Bandana
Posted at 7:44PM on May 10th 2006 by Roy Behymer
14. Mission: Impossible: 3 - Mission: Impossible: Except when Tom Cruise is around
X-Men: The Last Stand - X-men's last chance to steal your money with their fancy previews
Poseidon - Bad Tai Tan Ne Ke rip off
My Super Ex-Girlfriend - "Cool a new slasher film"
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man?s Chest - Johnny Depp: is this movie crazy or a chick flick or a crazy chick flick
Posted at 11:51PM on May 11th 2006 by hugh mcgowan v
15. X-Men 3: The Last Stand - A Sitting Trio of Transvestites
Posted at 10:31AM on May 12th 2006 by Samuel McConnell
16. M:I 3 - OMG, TOM CRUISE CRAZY SECRET AGENT HAHAHA!
X-men 3 - Americans Suck at Wire-Fu.
Posiedon - Ship Tip Over.
My Super Ex-Girlfriend - Hyper Megazord Girlfriend of Past Relation.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man?s Chest - Monkey Raping American Action
Posted at 11:49AM on May 12th 2006 by Bus
1. Poseidon - Tai Tan Ne Ke 2
Posted at 10:54AM on May 10th 2006 by Sam